Misery can actually be our comfort zone. We secretly are suspicious of happiness or good luck. So again, we unconsciously veer towards the opposite, like messy relationships and hard situations. Every time you go to the grocery store, for example, you miss the markdowns you friend always get.
But you keep losing track of time and going late. Even the homeless man on the street yells at you but you keep giving him dirty looks. You see how it works? And commitment. And discomfort. Learning new things, making mistakes. Blaming it on bad luck is easier. By: Bill Ward. Depression is a very real debilitating illness. If you are a sufferer, it can strike out of the blue and very little can seem to budge it. On the other hand, there is something true about how influenced we are by those we surround ourselves by.
Misery is rather contagious. Healthy connection , on the other hand — where we feel relaxed and able to be totally ourselves, and accepted for that — not only lowers depression but is shown by research to increase our health and longevity. This can be a tough one to admit to. After all, you did experience a trauma. You are a victim. But when did the trauma happen?
What have you actively done to take care of yourself and heal from it ever since? Have you worked to heal? Or did you, somewhere along the line, get a bit too used to the sympathy talking about it gets you? Whatever the reason, there are always two stances that you can take: passive or active.
Let's say, for instance, that your vehicle starts making a strange noise. The active stance would be to have it checked over by a professional as soon as possible to avoid damage. The passive stance would be to ignore it altogether and hope that it will somehow resolve itself-even though you know that this is unlikely. In this scenario, there are two completely different possible outcomes created not by luck but by the choice you make at a critical moment.
Attribution theory is based on the needs of individuals to assign blame or credit for the things that occur in their lives. For instance, some people will choose to place the blame on God for their unfortunate happenings. Those same people may also give God the credit for all the good things that happen to them. Even if you're a religious person, this is not the healthiest way of looking at any situation because it neglects the real cause and effect.
Some individuals tend to blame others for negative outcomes such as poor test results, the loss of a job, and everything in between. This is a type of defense mechanism that protects the ego by shifting the responsibility to others rather than acknowledging your own lackluster performance as the cause. If your life is not where you want it to be, you may feel the urge to blame others for your plight.
After all, you would never intentionally bring unpleasant circumstances onto yourself, so how could they be your fault? Remember, it's not just what happens to you-it's how you deal with it that determines your quality of life. If you feel like you can relate to any of the above, then you're probably wondering what steps you can take to improve yourself and gain control over your life.
There are a number of ways to go about doing this, but it mostly comes down to two factors: accepting responsibility and stopping the blame game. It's important for our mental health that we take an active role in determining our own life outcomes. We must also be honest about the amount of effort or planning we contribute to a task or a goal. Even when it comes to our mental and physical health , we must be proactive in our approach.
If our diet and exercise regimens are not well thought out, or we take a haphazard approach to safety, we may find ourselves sick or injured in an accident. If we show up to work late, take too many days off, or gossip and waste time on the job, we are likely to lose our jobs or be passed over for promotions, and we are unlikely to see a raise in our salaries.
Alternatively, if we are punctual and practice a good work ethic, we are likely to be rewarded. Although there are disasters, crimes, and violations that are no fault of our own, most bad things don't just happen for no reason. Somewhere along the way, someone skips a step or leaves something undone. You may not always be able to figure out who is responsible for a negative outcome, and it may not always be you. For instance, say you took your vehicle in for repairs, and the repairman happened to miss a step or two.
After one month of enrollment, 80 percent of people reported themselves as happier, more satisfied with their lives, and most importantly, luckier. The lucky ones became luckier, and the unlucky turned lucky. They had been taught how to spot good opportunities, have a positive outlook, and to make better decisions.
Many often attribute other people's fortunes to good luck, while their own misfortunes are the result of bad luck. It's true that some people are born with advantages, or events happen to us that are outside our control. You can always do something to build upon what you have. When you open yourself to new places, practice gratitude, and step outside your routine, you might find yourself getting lucky. Top Stories. Top Videos. Getty Images.
To increase your luck, you can practice what the "luck school" participants did:. Keep an open mind and pair of eyes. Worrying about obtaining a goal endlessly can unknowingly close you off to other possibilities. Having an open attitude and looking around for new opportunities can open you up to lucky chances. Look on the positive side. Focusing only on the negatives dampens your spirits and future expectations. When you go from complaining about scraping your knee to being grateful that it wasn't any worse, it becomes easier to try new things.
Do something out of the ordinary this week.
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